Forgotten
by Fading wind
Summary: Havoc had been Roy's boyfriend before the war. Now he's forgotten. [RoyHavoc] [RoyEd]


Title: Forgotten  
Genre: Romance/Angst  
Pairings: Roy x Havoc, Roy x Edward  
Warnings: Mildly suggestive content. Mentions of sex. OOCness?  
Summary: Havoc had been Roy's boyfriend before the War. Now he's forgotten.  
Disclaimer: Own nothing, so don't sue. Fanfiction is written merely for my enjoyment, and maybe yours. I do not gain money from it.

_From Havoc's POV._

**Forgotten**

From inside the Colonel's office came a moan. Hawkeye glared at the locked door.

I heaved a sigh.

I remembered those days when I went out with the Colonel. They were long ago, before the Ishbal War, when he was a Major, and I a Warrant Officer. They seemed so far away now, almost as if they had never happened. I wondered if they were dreams only. I had loved him. We went to the movies together watching romance films and we had candlelight dinner together in high-class restaurants almost every day.

Another moan sounded.

I had never even got to have sex with him. Sometimes after a date he would try to drag me along to his house, but I always refused. I was scared. Heck, I was still a virgin back then. I didn't think that I wanted to lose my virginity to a man, even though I loved him with my whole heart. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to do it with a girl first.

He was always so eager to try it with a man. He wasn't a virgin, but he hadn't had gay sex. Every time I turned down his offer, he would look disappointed. I would say to him, "There's always next time." But I didn't know, there _wasn't_ a next time. The Ishbal War came soon, crashing down upon us like a heavy rock.

During the seven years of the Ishbal War, I was separated from him. I was transferred to another team who was missing a sharpshooter. Our relationship faded gradually, since we didn't get to see each other much. When the war was over, I went back to his team and worked under him once more, but he seemed to have forgotten about what we used to do.

There was a muffled scream.

Then along came Fullmetal, my 'boss'. The Colonel fell in love with him instantly. The two of them went out together. They were both happy. I was left alone, sad. He had forgotten me so easily. _I_ couldn't forget. So I tried dating some girls to help me forget. But it was no use. The Colonel didn't even let me have success with other relationships. He hadn't actually forgotten, and he wouldn't let me forget either.

A blond boy emerged from the door, looking slightly disoriented with a small smile playing on his lips. His clothes were a little untidy, his hair messily tied back. Hawkeye got up and walked into the Colonel's office with a handful of paperwork. There was a bit of discussion, and Hawkeye raised her voice slightly against the Colonel, as if warning him about something. She must be telling him to keep it more quiet next time.

I tried to concentrate on my work and ignore the painful aching of my heart.

---

The Colonel just had an argument with Fullmetal. They broke up. I could not believe it.

The enraged pipsqueak stormed out of the office. No one dared to follow. My ex-boyfriend stood in the doorway, a look of pure astonishment plastered on his face. He couldn't believe it either. After a minute or two, Hawkeye told him to return to his work sharply. He obliged and trodded back into the office. I watched him through the open office door.

"Havoc!" Hawkeye snapped. "You have work too."

I sighed and looked down at the pile of paperwork on my desk. There was an identical pile on the Colonel and Hawkeye's desk, if not larger. I wondered how Hawkeye could cope with all the work so calmly and dutifully. I guessed that was what I missed: a sense of duty. Or maybe women were stronger than men in this field of work.

Suddenly the Colonel looked up and said to no one, "I'm going to the bar tonight." Hawkeye glanced at him, puzzled at his abrupt words, but he had already returned to his work. She gave no more thought to it.

I decided that I should go to the bar as well, just to see how things would turn out for him. For us.

---

It was an eventful night. When the Colonel had eventually finished all of his paperwork, he looked at me. I had been sitting idly at my desk for a little less than an hour, chewing on an unlit cigarette (Hawkeye wouldn't let me smoke in the office).

"I'm going to come with you," I stated. He had expected me to say that, and he nodded. He put on his coat, and I followed suit. Hawkeye would be the last one to leave the office.

"Goodbye, Colonel Mustang. Goodbye, Lieutenant Havoc," she said as we walked out.

We headed to the bar. It was a bar I'd often go to when I got ditched by a girlfriend. It was a bar that Roy and I used to go to together. We'd sit for hours, drinking away all our worries, ranting on about random things until neither of us could comprehend the other or form a coherent word. Afterwards, leaning on each other, we would first make our way to my home, lumbering into various lamp posts and rubbish bins on the way. Then, when Roy had made sure I was safe in the comforts of my bed, he would leave for his own, which was two streets away.

That was exactly what we did that night. Except that we didn't talk much. I was too nervous to even stammer, and he was too upset to say anything. He downed glass after glass of brandy nonstop. I just had one glass. I didn't want to drink too much. Something was telling me that it wasn't exactly a good idea.

When the Colonel was drunk enough, he started to speak. "My heart is broken," he began, pointing to his left chest and locating the area where his heart should be to emphasise the point.

"Yeah, I know," I mumbled. "So's mine."

"What?" He put a hand to his ear to indicate that he couldn't hear me.

"Nothin', sir."

"Edward left. He abandoned me!" The second sentence was more of a yell, drawing a few people's attention. I waved them off, assuring them that everything was alright.

"Shh, Colonel."

"I loved him," the Colonel said in a softer voice. "No, it should be in present tense. I still do."

The directness of reality almost pierced my heart. Of course, I had always known that the Colonel loved the boss. But to hear it, straight from the Colonel's own mouth, was more unpleasant than I had ever imagined.

"It's late. We should go home now, Colonel," I said. I didn't want to stay here any longer. My mind was buzzing and giving me a headache.

"Goin'? Why're we goin' so soon?" he asked, looking up at me, bewildered.

"Soon? It's nearly midnight!" I told him after consulting the nearest clock. I grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the bar with me. This time, we went to his house first, of course, seeing that I wasn't the least bit drunk, and he was _very_. When we arrived, I asked him for the key. I had to repeat this question several times before he heard me. He fumbled in his pocket for the bunch of keys. I didn't know which was the right one, but I wasn't able to obtain this information from him, so I just tried them out one by one.

Successful at last, I kicked the door open and pulled the half-unconscious Colonel inside and onto the couch. I had only been inside his house on a few occasions, and all of those visits took place before the Ishbal War. Yet this place had hardly changed. It looked quite the same as it had been years and years ago. Perhaps the only change was that it was even messier. Alchemy textbooks lying open here and there; dirty, unwashed clothes strewn across the floor; sheets of used paper that looked suspiciously liked love letters; opened packets of crisps and other snacks which were not consumed; and an assortment of other things.

As I surveyed the place, I was unaware that the man behind me had become fully awake. He snatched my shirt from behind and yanked me down. I turned to see what was happening, and before I knew it, his lips were sealed together with mine. I found myself staring into his beautiful obsidian eyes. I was shocked. But at the same time, the kiss awoke long-forgotten desires.

My wish was fulfilled. We had sex.

But it wasn't what I truly wanted. I had imagined it to be sweet, to be amazing. By that time, I'd had sex with girls. I was no longer a virgin, but I still had so many wild fantasies of this different type of sex which I had never experienced. Maybe it would be better if the Colonel wasn't too drunk. Maybe it would be better if he had called me by my first name. He knew me as Havoc, and refused to acknowledge me as anyone else, not even when we were on such intimate terms. He wasn't my boyfriend, my Roy so long ago.

I called him Roy. He didn't mind, but he didn't appreciate it.

When he fell asleep, I wept. For the first time since our failed relationship, I cried my heart out.

And then I went home.

---

The next day was even more of a disaster.

First, the Colonel acted like nothing had happened between us. That was bad enough.

Second, Fullmetal dropped by. And guess what? They made up, and they made out as well, in the office again. They were a lot more subtle this time, and the occasional noise that came out was barely audible.

The boss didn't come out as soon as it was over. They had a long talk inside the office. I was not in the mood to ponder what they were talking about, but I would get to know quickly enough.

When he finally appeared, the Colonel was with him. I swallowed the lump in my throat, blinked away the tear in my eye, but the pain on my face was obvious. I looked away. My former boyfriend walked over to me and leaned in.

"I'm sorry, Jean. I still love you. You're not forgotten," he whispered gently into my ear. He had used my first name, at last, for the first time in years. My hand was shaking. I didn't trust him.

But he did something to prove his words. In front of everyone in the office, in front of the boss, he kissed me. It was a short kiss filled with love, but there was no passion. And then I knew that it was officially the end of our relationship. There was no 'maybe' or 'perhaps' anymore, when there used to be. He had taken away the probability, the hope.

I eyed the blond boy standing in the background. He showed no sign of being angered by his lover's contact with me. I was relieved. The Colonel must have told him about us. Even Hawkeye made no comment.

I forced a weak smile for the Colonel, no, Roy. Our last, shared moment. And then I let the single tear I've been keeping back fall.

It was lonely.

I was lonely.

But the Colonel and the boss would never be lonely because they had each other, unlike me, unlucky me.

_The End_

**A/N: **I woke up one morning and I had the sudden urge to write a RoyHavoc fic, where Roy loves Ed more than Havoc. This was the result, as you can see. I put quite some emotion into it. Hope you enjoyed! This is my 50th fic on the site. Please read & review!


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